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Investment Banker Embarrassing Email Goes Viral

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Guy might have Aspergers. It would fit in with the robot style and profession.

The comments section on Reddit has some gems.

"This is how I write essays when I don't know enough to meet the length requirements."

"What are you talking about? She offered more ecpm (eye contact per minute) than any other date ever. And she touched her hair. The next time I get over 10 epcm combo'd with hair touching I'm proposing on the spot."

"Oh my word.
Either he's insane and has been reading far too many books on dating, or you're smoking hot. If it's the latter, please feel free to let us know.
Thanks
EDIT 1: WHY HAVEN'T YOU RESPONDED YET? I'M DEEPLY INSULTED.
EDIT 2: SERIOUSLY DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THAT POSTING THINGS ON REDDIT MEANS YOU'RE INTERESTED IN ME? IT WAS LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT. CALL ME... XOXOXOXO
EDIT 3: PLEASE FILL OUT THIS DATING SURVEY link TO LET ME KNOW WHERE I MESSED UP, AND ALSO YOU SHOULD APOLOGIZE. I LOVE YOU.
EDIT 4: I apologize for my earlier outbursts and think I should remind you how compatible we are. I am a male, you are a female, so obviously the dirty bits line up. According to private eye that I hired you're roughly the same age as me which pretty much means we should be together forever. Judging by previous posts you've made on reddit you know your way around a computer. Clearly this is love at first type. If you apologize I will go out with you.
Post Script: I am less attracted to you now, and you should know that and really think hard on it, because I need you to think that I'm a catch and in belittling you and telling you that I'm not into you this will totally make you fall for me because women definitely want unavailable men, that's what I read in the Mystery Method.
EDIT 5: Somebody please just hold me.
EDIT 6: I may be about to expose all my insecurities to you, but I feel like I should let you know I make ass loads of money. This alone qualifies me as a desirable mate. If you'd like to copulate due to all the money I have in the bank please feel free to dial me at xxx-xxx-xxxx. If you need assistance, dial the operator. $$$$$ BLING BLAO DOLLA DOLLA BILLS YO! CHACHING! CASH REGISTER SOUNDS.
EDIT 7 : Seriously, in reality though I'd love to hear this date from your perspective."

:rofl:
 
I use utility reasoning in personal decision making all the time... I would never express it like that though.

In the course of my employment I look at tons (literally hundreds of thousands) of emails sent by these dbags. You would not believe some of the shit people send on their work email accounts (porn, drugs, insider trading, cheating/affairs, hookers, tax fraud, pretty theft especially office supplies, etc.) word to the wise boys, if its personal take it to a personal email account or pick up the phone.